foreign
A very good afternoon from the Lifestyle Support Guru. I have some extremely useful advice for my followers, since you never know when you may be in the same position yourselves and it is always good to know what to do when you have FOREIGN VISITORS! The FOREIGN VISITOR in this case just happens to be a cat, but I’m sure some of you are resourceful enough to be able to adapt this for your own situation, whether animal or human.
The usual scene-setting:
A member of your family returns from a far-off land and, being the kind soul that you are, you offer this family member a roof over his head until he can find a place of his own in the furthest reaches of Hull (and that’s a story in itself!). You also offer a roof over the head of his cat, which has been posted separately, and arrives in the middle of the afternoon from Heathrow while aforementioned family member is on a four-day visit to Hull.
something dark in a box!
The FOREIGN VISITOR having been safely delivered and signed for, the deliveryman then hands you a small Tupperware box with something dark inside and your mind IMMEDIATELY screams, ‘NOOOOOOO!!!!!’ The deliveryman asks if you can microwave this for him and you calm down when you realise it’s his lunch and not the cat’s ‘business’! Once the deliveryman has had his lunch heated, he leaves and you take the FOREIGN VISITOR upstairs (in his very large travelling box), followed by your own two curious felines.
You manoeuvre the FOREIGN VISITOR out of his travelling box and into a medium-sized dog cage – which you just happen to have lying around – expecting to get bitten or scratched at any moment, whilst endeavouring to keep the other two cats out of the room. You then phone your family member to give him the good news and the conversation goes something like this, bearing in mind that the family member is in the middle of Argos in Hull, so anyone listening in may have been a little intrigued:
Laughing Cat
You: Malcolm’s arrived. (No, I don’t know why you’d call a cat Malcolm either!)
Family Member: Is he okay?
Y: Seems fine and he went into the cage quite easily.
FM: Well, he’ll probably be quiet and won’t eat very much for two or three days.
Y: I’m just about to give him some food.
FM: He might be scared and try to scratch.
Y: Okay. I’ll wear gloves. (Joke!) I’ll update you later.
You then take some food (of the expensive variety) and water (of the tap variety) upstairs and find that Malcolm has managed to open the cage door (damned clever, these FOREIGNERS!) and is wandering around the bedroom quite nonchalantly, as if he’s lived there all his life! You put the (expensive) food into the cage and he heads straight for it and wolfs it down in about two seconds – so much for not eating for two or three days! You then stroke him and he purrs and quite happily settles down next to you on the floor. So much for the vicious animal you were expecting!
Molly
You decide to leave him alone for a while to get used to his surroundings and carefully shut the bedroom door. You will then find that your other two cats (with MUCH more sensible names like Charlie and Molly) will sit outside the door like two avenging angels, wondering why this FOREIGN VISITOR has been given the best food and a room all to himself.
So there you have it – FOREIGN VISITORS do not have to be much trouble, despite what Nigel Farage may say, although I rather think my own cats are somewhat on the side of the ‘We shouldn’t be allowing these FOREIGNERS into the country and giving them expensive food and their own room’ brigade. Feel free to adapt this advice for your own FOREIGN VISITORS. Enjoy the rest of your day!