Hello, dear followers! I know that many of you are aware that, as the Lifestyle Support Guru, I am able to help with all sorts of problems in this weary walk along life’s meandering paths through the forests of fear and woods of worry that so many of you have to navigate, but you may not be aware that I am also a fully-qualified MEDICAL and IMAGE CONSULTANT.
MEDICAL ADVICE:
Here is a scientifically proven method of dealing with troublesome coughs which may assail you this autumn and all you will need is a bottle of white wine and a bottle of red. This has been tested by the LSG personally, so I can confirm that it works.
1. Develop a troublesome cough that keeps you awake at night.
Large glass red wine
2. On the first night, have a glass of white wine prior to retiring. RESULT? The cough will still keep you awake.
3. On the second night, have a glass of red wine prior to retiring. RESULT? You will sleep like a baby ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT (hmm, sounds like a good title for a Welsh song, but I digress), apart from the obligatory 4 am visit to the loo.
There you have it – always keep a bottle of good red wine close at hand, just in case you feel a cough coming on. In fact, may I suggest that you drink the wine BEFORE the cough develops? Prevention is better than cure!
IMAGE ADVICE:
I am sure that many of you will have heard about dog owners coming to resemble their pets (and even vice versa), but I have developed this theory further and I can now reveal that OWNERS OF WINE BOTTLES may come to resemble their bottles both in shape and personality!
Look carefully at the bottles in your wine cellar (or, as in my case, the wine rack under the kitchen worktop) and consider which one(s) you resemble:
wine
– A Bordeaux or Sauvignon Blanc? You are tall and slim with a serious side to you.
– A Burgundy? Classic, yet elegant, with slightly sloping shoulders and a little more body.
– A cheeky bottle of Côtes de Provence? You are curvy and fun (and perhaps a little pink)!
– Champagne? Sturdy, yet graceful, welcome at all gatherings.
– A wine box? You can be a little bit of a square, so perhaps you need to be a little more adventurous.
I have considered all my bottles and I think I need to start stocking up on Chianti or Mateus Rosé, which may more closely resemble my overall shape.
Have a good weekend and don’t forget that visit to your local wine merchant to check out if you’re the right shape!