A very good day to you from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Having just returned from Tenerife, I felt I should share some hints and tips on how to make the most of your holiday, especially since not all of you are on permanent holiday like I am, so you need to ensure that you don’t waste any of your valuable time.
1. Don’t just throw your make-up bag into your carry-on case at the last minute (boys, I’m talking to you, too) – I didn’t know that mascara counts as a liquid – and nor did I know that roll-on deodorant had to be ‘declared’ either. Take it from me that it is NOT possible to fit five mascara wands, a roll-on deodorant, a tube of toothpaste, a small bottle of shower gel and a small bottle of body lotion into one of those small airport plastic bags, although the Customs woman tried her best. In the end, she split the items into two bags and gave DOT (Dai of Tanzania/Turkey, although we’re still not too sure about the latter at the moment) the one with the mascara, girly-smelling shower gel and body lotion to carry through security. How I laughed!
2. Once you are seated in the airport bar, make sure you have a stiff drink in front of you to help cope with the trauma of:
a) Suddenly realising that you hadn’t done the last thing on your list of ‘things to do before I go on holiday’, which was ‘empty the fridge’ and that you will now return to some manky mushrooms and beans and sausages, which you’d been intending to use up for the last few days. There is also milk in there…
b) Receiving a text from the company from which you’d ordered a sofa several weeks ago to say that it was ready for delivery and asking you to ring to arrange a date. You ring and explain that you are about to board a plane…
c) Looking up at the television in the bar and finding that Theresa May has become Prime Minister!
And all this has happened before you’ve even left the country!
Real Ale
Whilst on holiday, do make sure that you book a place at the Brazilian Fiesta Night at the hotel (although I never did find out why Spanish Tenerife had a Brazilian Night?). This will afford many opportunities for entertainment and fun, especially if you are seated on a table with some Germans. Since the price included unlimited alcohol (ha! I knew you were wondering why I would have opted for a Brazilian Night!), we fully expected the Germans to be sinking stein after stein of beer, but they managed one pint and one small glass of wine between four of them and then left early – one can only assume to get their towels ready for an early start on the sunbeds. DOT and I, however, made sure that we made the most of the local alcohol before Brexit kicks in and makes it too expensive to go on holiday.
The ‘Brazilian’ dancers didn’t look very Brazilian – I think they had come via the nearby west coast of Africa – and they weren’t necessarily chosen for their dance ability either, but they were VERY enthusiastic; DOT said the girl would have achieved a borderline C/D in GCSE Dance, but an A for GCSE Legs. What a wag!! How I laughed!
There was then a trio of singers who didn’t look very Brazilian either and nor did their repertoire of songs sound Brazilian, unless ‘Happy’ and ‘Uptown Funk’ derived from that country? Who am I to query such matters? But how I laughed!
The price included food – unfortunately, the dessert was chocolate brownie and ice cream, neither of which is a favourite of the LSG, but DOT did well out of it. I didn’t do too badly either – I swapped my dessert for his Cava… How I laughed!
And finally, be sure to go on a jeep safari up the highest mountain in Spain (not on the mainland, obviously), if only to give some serious respect to the drivers who took those Land Rovers up almost vertical paths – even the Welsh would be impressed with their hill starts! This day out also offers you the opportunity to get burned to a crisp because the air is thinner, being so high up, so less protection from those naughty little rays of sunshine… and you forgot to put the sun screen in your bag. How I laughed!
If nothing else, make sure that you laugh! 🙂