lifestylesupportguru

Category: Quiz

The Happiness Quiz!

Laughing

A very good afternoon from the Lifestyle Support Guru! I know that many of you, my followers, enjoy those little online quizzes which help you discover your inner self, such as what you were in a past life, the colour of your inner aura, what you had for breakfast, that sort of thing, so I thought I would let you try one that I have devised. This quiz will help you find out your level of HAPPINESS! It’s very simple and only has three questions, so here you go:
1. You put some washing on the line but don’t have time to take it in before you go out for the evening. You return later than planned and it’s now too dark to bring it in (without tripping over something in the dark because your garden solar lights don’t work). You’re sure that the forecast for the next day was ‘Fine’, so you decide to leave it on the line overnight. The next morning, when you get up, you discover that it’s raining very slightly. Do you:
a. Rant and rave because your washing is getting wet, but decide to leave it out there now that it’s wet?
b. Sigh and then go and fetch it in to dry inside?
c. Shout ‘Yippee!’ because the rain will help to remove the creases and make the clothes easier to iron?

2. You follow your usual morning routine when you get up – go downstairs, turn on the radio in

Laughing Cat

the kitchen, let the cats out, leaving the back door open for them, make a coffee, turn off the radio and return upstairs to read your emails. A little while later, you are ready for your second coffee, so you go back downstairs and can hear voices. You think you must have left the radio on, but no – it’s the television in the front room and you never go in the front room first thing in the morning. Do you:
a. Immediately think that a mad axe murderer has come in by the open back door and is now sitting calmly watching breakfast television in the front room while waiting for you?
b. Sigh and wonder if you should call in a local vicar (if you knew one) to perform an exorcism because you have obviously got a poltergeist who likes breakfast television?
c. Shout ‘Yippee!’ because the cats have obviously learned how to turn on the TV and maybe they’ll now learn how to work the washing machine for you?

3. Some thieving little toe-rag has stolen your car aerial and you can no longer get any radio stations other than local ones, which can be rather tedious at times (one of yesterday’s items was about growing underarm hair!). Do you:
a. Rant and rave about today’s youth, because you are sure it must be some silly little teenager with his trousers hanging around his crotch who thought it would be funny to take it as he and his Neanderthal mates walked by?
b. Sigh and think about going to your nearest dealer to get a new one, although you know it will cost you an arm and a leg?
c. Go to your local, friendly (independent) garage and ask them if they can help, then shout ‘Yippee!’ because they replace it with an old aerial from a Vauxhall (yours is a Kia) and the radio now works perfectly, so you can once again have a go at Pop Master on the Ken Bruce show. Not only that, but your car has now been customised – it must be the only Kia with a spirally Vauxhall aerial. AND the garage doesn’t charge you a thing!

happy tiger

RESULTS:
1. If you answered mostly ‘a’, then you need to consider anger management classes or perhaps a therapist.
2. If you answered mostly ‘b’, then you need to get a life.
3. If you answered mainly ‘c’, then you are one of the HAPPIEST people in the world and you should consider spreading that HAPPINESS around – perhaps by going out for lunch (even) more often!

Random Thoughts

Randon thoughts

A very good afternoon from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Today I am going to tell you about RANDOM THOUGHTS.
I was going to talk about RANDOMNESS, but that is actually a mathematical concept and I felt that not all of my followers would grasp this concept – in fact, I don’t understand it myself, so I didn’t feel I should inflict it on lesser mortals. To be honest, these RANDOM THOUGHTS are just a collection of, well, just RANDOM THOUGHTS that I believe may interest you, my dear acolytes, and which may also help you look at the world in a different light.
Where to start? Well, firstly, CRUELTY. There are many forms of CRUELTY, but the one which cut

cruelty

me to the quick, beloved believers, was a remark addressed to me personally by someone I thought a friend. Picture the scene: you are in Little Chester Ale House enjoying a beverage or two and you casually mention to the so-called ‘friend’ (whom I shall call George and who might just happen to be the owner of the aforementioned establishment) that you will be attending a wine-tasting and nibbles party the following evening. Imagine, dear followers, how it felt when George turned round and said, ‘You’ll go anywhere for free wine, won’t you?’ The HURT, the PAIN, the unfeeling CRUELTY – I’d paid FIFTEEN POUNDS for the privilege of this ‘free’ wine (and nibbles)!

Cheddar Cheese

Second RANDOM THOUGHT? QUIZZES. As you know, I have some experience of QUIZZES and I have to say that they can cause much merriment. The scene is once more in a drinking establishment (I know this may surprise many of you, but I go to such places purely for your benefit, you understand, to help you make greater sense of RANDOM HAPPENINGS), this time The Coach & Horses. (Most people only have one local, but the LSG feels that this is a limiting factor in her quest to address and support as wide an audience as possible.)
Papers are swapped between teams for marking at the end of the quiz. One of the questions was: “‘The Theory of Everything’ is a film based on the early life of which renowned scientist?”, the answer being, of course, ‘Stephen Hawking’. One team asked if ‘Stephen Fry’ was an acceptable answer. The quizmaster sternly replied, ‘Of course not!’ ‘Oh,’ continued this very

Scotland

generous-hearted team, ‘well, can they have half a point for getting ‘Stephen’ right?’ ‘NO!’
On another occasion, the question was: ‘Cheddar is in which English county?’ and the quizmaster heard someone in the team behind her (yes, the quizmaster was ME!!) say excitedly, ‘Scotland. It’s Scotland!’ until someone else in the team pointed out that the question had specifically said ‘ENGLISH county’. ‘Oh, yes,’ said the first team member sadly, ‘Scotland’s not in England, is it?’ Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond, I think you still have a lot of work to do!

Third RANDOM THOUGHT? I have recently wondered if there is a connection between the rise in the number of mobility scooters on the streets and the number of cyclists riding on the pavement. Are the cyclists knocking pedestrians over willy-nilly, like a set of bowling pins, and causing them to have hip or knee replacements (replaced with what, I sometimes ask myself)

cyclist

and thus requiring the use of a mobility scooter? I believe this is something that the next government should put high on its agenda – an enquiry into the statistical relationship between these two groups of people. I also believe they should consider creating mobility scooter/cycle lanes where these fun-loving people can bump into each other like a set of Weebles (‘Weebles wobble but we don’t fall down!’) while the rest of us get on with our normal lives. They’d get my vote! (And, yes, I’m still working on my election manifesto, which may, or may not, include Weebles, cyclists and mobility scooters.)

And the final RANDOM THOUGHT? Have you ever considered that there are GOOD mirrors and BAD mirrors? I find I have these in my own house – the mirror in my bedroom is a VERY BAD mirror, showing all sorts of imperfections that I know don’t really exist (a couple of extra pounds here and there, a broken vein or two, a few life-affirming wrinkles), whereas my

Mirror

bathroom mirror is a VERY GOOD mirror and reveals no such imperfections (mainly because it is not in direct daylight). And as for the mirror in the front room downstairs (where the blinds are permanently down, to prevent the adoring crowds from spotting the LSG and camping outside), that is my FAVOURITE mirror of all because it shows me as the slim, lithe, perfect specimen of womanhood that I know is the REAL ME! This is partly thanks to the mirror being one that my sister and her husband bought me for my 21st ( just a couple of years ago), which has writing all over it, thus blurring the reality!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please feel free to add your own RANDOM THOUGHTS.
Before I go, one final comment on the ‘free’ wine-tasting mentioned at the beginning – the water was of an excellent quality, or so I am told!

Posh Quiz Nights

beary puzzling

A very good morning from the Lifestyle Support Guru! Here we are hurtling towards an election and I haven’t even started planning my Election Manifesto yet! Never mind, there’s still time.
I was going to put up a post about RANDOM THOUGHTS, but that will have to wait because I feel there is still something to be learned about life’s rich tapestry from QUIZ NIGHTS. As you, my dedicated followers, know, I selflessly devote much of my time to good deeds and helping others (in between lunching with ladies and going to the cinema), usually in the form of charity quizzes (because I can’t be bothered to do anything energetic like rowing a raft down a river or running a marathon), and last night was no exception. Following last week’s ‘successful’ disaster, I had planned everything very carefully for the latest one, but I’m afraid there is no planning for OTHER PEOPLE!
1. Do NOT assume that the people attending the quiz will be any better behaved than the six- and seven-year-olds at the previous week’s quiz. They will talk as much, if not more, even when you are asking the questions. This means that you will be constantly asked to repeat questions (I think last night’s record was eight times for the same question – as if the repetition will make it any easier to answer!). You will also find that good eyesight comes in handy as team members hold up fingers to indicate which number question they wish to be repeated – at least, I THINK that’s why they were holding up two fingers!

fingers

2. Do NOT feel sorry for anyone who comes up and asks you to go a bit more slowly, telling you that the sound at the back of the room isn’t very clear (although I’m not sure how going a bit more slowly helps you hear better?). You will find that, when you look up as you are (slowly) asking a question, every single person in the ‘can’t hear clearly’ team will be chatting away quite merrily, not listening to a word you are saying! You speed up from that point onwards (revenge is sweet).
3. Do NOT get upset when one person complains because you won’t accept an answer – putting two (very different) answers down, with one of them in brackets (which just happens to be the correct one) underneath the wrong answer (not in brackets) is called CHEATING or PUSHING YOUR LUCK! Rise above the angry look, smile sweetly and say, patronisingly, ‘The quizmaster is always right.’

baked potato

4. Do NOT assume that the excellent organiser of the evening (You know who you are, Karen) will forget about your dietary needs. You will be plied with delicious scones with cream and jam, lovely chilli jacket potatoes (with extra cheese) and boring cans of pop (because you’re driving). She, in the meantime, having successfully lost a lot of weight, will be munching away merrily on a lettuce leaf or two. I suggest that you starve yourself for a minimum of three days prior to the event unless you wish to end the evening looking like a barrage balloon.

tiara

5. And finally, do NOT assume that, because it’s a ‘posh’ school, everyone will achieve your own high standards of dress. A long frock, tiara and elbow-length white gloves are, I feel, the minimum requirements (failing that, a new, bright green jacket from M&S will do), but expect to be DISAPPOINTED – not a Barbour jacket or a green welly to be seen!

And there you have it, devoted followers and disciples: life is full of disappointments and sorrows, but you can learn to rise above them and BECOME A BETTER PERSON if you follow the LSG’s sound advice. Enjoy your weekend.
Now, where did I put that tiara?

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