Category Archives: Water

NHS Cost To Patient

A very good afternoon to all my beloved followers! I had intended to write a reply to Peter’s query about EDUCATION but I feel I have something of greater importance to pass on to you, my dearest devotees. What is this? I hear you cry (I hear you crying quite a lot when you read my posts). Today’s lesson to guide you through the pitfalls you may encounter on your journey through life is THE TRUE COST OF THE NHS. However, this is not about the plight of junior doctors and nurses, dreadful though this may be. NO – this is about THE TRUE COST OF THE NHS TO THE PATIENT!

willow

Kidney shaped willow

Although you may think of the Lifestyle Support Guru as immortal and immune to pain and illness, I am sorry to say that I can, at times, be almost as human as you, my adoring acolytes.
As always, I shall set the scene: a member of the medical profession decided, in his wisdom, that I should have two scans – one to see if I had kidney stones and one to see if I had any bones. I can only assume that he decided on the latter because he had seen me wobbling home after a night out and wondered if, in fact, I was really made of jelly.
The relevant appointments came through and I read the instructions carefully. For the kidney scan, it said that I should not eat for 6 hours before it, so, with great sadness, I put aside my plans for cooking myself a gourmet 3-course meal. It also said I should arrive with a full bladder

gourmet meal

and suggested that the best way to do this was to drink 1-2 pints of fluid an hour before the appointment. Since the appointment was mid-afternoon, I considered going for a liquid lunch at my local but thought that might not be a good idea, so contented myself with water. It also said that I may need to get undressed and to bring a dressing gown with me – and this is where THE COST TO THE PATIENT starts!
1. Cost of new dressing gown (because the current one is rather tatty)
£15
2. Cost of spray tan (because of a bad summer) £20
3. Cost of several bottles of water £5
4. Cost of new, matching underwear (you never know!) £30
5. Cost of M&S sandwich because you’re starving after the scan £3
6. Cost of car parking £3

Cost of a kidney scan PRICELESS!

However, there are some positive aspects to be drawn from this experience:
1. There was no sign of kidney stones.
2. My left kidney was described as ‘very photogenic’, which is pleasing, since the rest of me isn’t.

skull

jelly bones

Now, as for the jelly bones scan – which took place this morning – the hardest part of that was putting on the hospital gown provided (they didn’t tell me to bring a dressing gown). I was a little upset that the attendant gave me two gowns ‘in case one isn’t enough’ and wondered what she was trying to say, but I soon forgot about this as I spent a jolly few minutes putting on the gown. There was a set of instructions on the cubicle wall, with pictures of a very dodgy-looking man with a superior little smile on his face demonstrating how to put on the gown. Somehow, my gown didn’t look quite as neat as his when I had finished (but at least I didn’t need the second one!).
The scan was rather boring and I wasn’t told that I had photogenic bones, so I left this appointment feeling rather deflated, although the radiologist didn’t seem to think I was lacking any bones, so that is a good sign, and I spent a lot less money:

1. Cost of car parking £2.20

Positive aspects of this scan:

1. I didn’t need two hospital gowns.
2. I still have bones.
3. I was back home in time for Pop Master on Radio 2.

Well, there you have it – the NHS may be FREE, but it can still eat into your life savings at a rate of knots because of all the ‘extras’!
Enjoy the rest of your day, fabulous followers!

Being Healthy is Bad For Your Health!

A very good evening from the Lifestyle Support Guru! This evening I am going to share some thoughts with you on BEING HEALTHY. Many of you may be surprised at this because you may not particularly associate the LSG with a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE and that is exactly why I am writing this, simply because BEING HEALTHY is, in fact, BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

Drinking water

Water

1. I have tried drinking more water recently because this is supposed to be GOOD FOR YOU. This is completely FALSE. From my personal experience, all I have found is that it makes you go to the toilet more often, which means that you flush the toilet more often, which means that your water bill goes up if you are on a water meter. This will give you sleepless nights worrying about spending more than a penny, so your blood pressure will go up, which is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH. In addition, you will find that you need to go to the toilet more often during the night, which means that you do not get a good night’s sleep. This is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.
2. I have tried to get a little more exercise (‘little’ being the operative word), but I have gained very little benefit from this. For example, I went for a walk last Friday, an uphill trek through the countryside, on a very hot day, getting stung by nettles and attacked by brambles and insects.

Feet walking

Walking

Upon arrival at the top of the (steep) hill, I went to some nearby toilets (see 1) and looked in the mirror (a grave mistake) to find a beetroot-coloured face with mascara streaks looking back at me. The mascara streaks were caused by the sweat running down my face. (Did I mention it was a VERY hot day?) In addition, you will find that you are covered in little bites and scratches, which is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH because they could so easily turn septic and then you will die, which is DEFINITELY BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

3. I cut down on my wine consumption, thinking that this would be HEALTHY. This is FALSE! I now get less exercise(see 2) from fewer trips back and forth to the fridge, so this must be BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

Having tried these methods of BEING HEALTHY, I can honestly say that they DON’T WORK! I haven’t lost any weight – in fact, I have gained it. At this point, some of you will think of telling me that I have gained weight because some fat has turned to muscle and that muscle weighs more than fat. This is FALSE! I have the same number of muscles as before, so that cannot be true!
So, what lessons have I learned?
1. Water doesn’t taste nice.
2. Exercise makes you go bright red – not a good look.
3. Cutting back on wine could create more unemployment.

BEING HEALTHY is BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!