Category Archives: Domestic

A Day in the Life…

A very good evening, BBs (Beloved Believers) and FFs (Faithful Followers)! As you know, I have been playing the role of Florence Nightingale in recent weeks, looking after DOT, but now to be known as DODO (Dai Of Derby Only) since he is no longer in either Turkey or Tanzania and is only in Derby.

Caring Role

This caring role has involved much work, including, unfortunately, a great deal of COOKING! Now, as you know, whilst many may regard me as a Domestic Goddess, COOKING is not really one of my strengths unless it involves a kettle (for a Pot Noodle) or a microwave (for anything that is NOT a Pot Noodle). To this end, DODO and I decided to buy a second microwave, following TOFU’s (Trefor of ‘Ull) suggestion – he told us that he can cook peas and (frozen) mash in his two microwaves at the same time as he is warming his M&S ‘home cooked’ steak and onion pie in the oven. I was instantly convinced, Dearest Devotees and Ardent Admirers, and immediately rushed out to my nearest electrical store.

Microwaves

We are now the proud owners of not one, not two, but… THREE microwaves! We would not have acquired microwave no.3 if there had been nothing wrong with microwave no. 1 (i.e. it heats the food and pings when it’s supposed to) but it has gone rusty inside. (No, I’m not sure how a microwave gets rusty either, but we decided it probably wasn’t too hygienic.) There has only been one drawback so far with the acquisition of this third miracle item – I haven’t found where to put it because of all the unnecessary garbage I have collected over the years and which has been piling up next to microwave no. 1.

Clutter

This garbage includes a) a tin of tuna (to tempt the appetite of the now-departed Charlie), b) a roll of garden twine – what is that for? – and c) several cookery books – what are they for? Add to that Molly’s flea tablets, a bottle of out-of-date cat milk and a couple of envelopes containing flower seeds from the garden of an ex-boyfriend and you will realise that there is no space for much else. As a result, microwave no. 1 is still ‘in situ’ and has been joined by no. 2 while no. 3 remains in its box. Anyone in need of a tin of tuna, some garden twine and a couple of cookery books, one of which has a recipe for Welsh cakes and laver bread? Or even an ex-boyfriend? (Of course, I mean ‘in need of’ an ex-boyfriend, rather than a recipe for one, but hold that thought…)

Turkey or Torquay

I have to say that life with an invalid has afforded some lighter moments as well, such as when we went to the bank the other day. DODO had a query about transferring money from Turkey, so I wheeled him up to the Enquiries counter where a very nice lady listened very carefully to him explaining about having an account in Turkey and asking if there would be any problem transferring funds from there to his account in Derby because the funds were in Turkish Lira. The very nice lady looked quite concerned and called over another very nice lady to ask for her help and advice. ‘Oh dear,’ I thought, ‘this is going to be more complicated than we first imagined.’ DODO started explaining again about having an account in Turkey and the first very nice lady’s face suddenly brightened and she said in a relieved tone, ‘Oh, I thought you said TORQUAY!’ She had obviously been puzzling over why someone would have an account in Turkish Lira in Torquay – I giggled for the rest of the day over that!

An Extra Inch?

Following that spot of hilarity, we trotted off (well, wheeled off) to a well-known computer/electronics store to look for a new computer monitor so that DODO could add another screen to his collection (he now has four). As he studied the monitors on display, deciding between a 22” and a 23”, he explained the various pros and cons to me, not realising that there was a female customer standing right behind him as he said, ‘You don’t need to pay another £30 for an extra inch.’ I smiled sweetly at the female customer then wheeled him off as quickly as I could!
So there you have it, camp followers – life with an invalid can offer an infinite variety of experiences, rather than a life of doom and gloom! Remember: however long the tunnel may be, there is a light at the end of it; no matter how deep the mine, there could be gold at the bottom; life’s what you make it – a Pot Noodle is more instantly gratifying than a four-course meal that you have to wait hours for AND have to do the washing up afterwards.
Sleep well, AAs, BBs, DDs and FFs – I’m off to boil the kettle!

Making The Most Of Retirement

 

Making The Most Of Every Minute

The Lifestyle Support Guru is a great believer in making the most of every minute of the day, giving daily life true meaning with fun events such as emptying the dishwasher, then filling it up again. As my sainted mother would have said, ‘Just think of all those poor people around the world who don’t have the same opportunities as you. They would be delighted to be able to empty and fill a dishwasher.’ You grumble back, ‘Yeah, well, they can come and do mine any time’, before realising how silly you sound, having a conversation about a dishwasher with your mother when she’s been dead over 16 years! Anyway, I have found something that’s much more fun – putting together an indoor clothes airer!

Deluxe Clothes Airer

The aforementioned clothes airer is, of course, the ‘de luxe’ version – I wouldn’t have anything less in my abode! – and is therefore more complicated in its arrangement, including wheels!
I spent a great deal of time considering the various options available to me – I was bored – and eventually set off in search of the de luxe airer, not knowing whether it would actually be in stock. On the website where I had spotted it, it was suggested that I ring my local store to check availability, which I duly did, only to hear a recorded message saying that, due to the large size of the store, it was not possible to check the availability of individual items! Oh, the excitement, the anticipation that this created! And the joy I felt when, upon rounding a corner in the shop, I spotted the required item in all its glory (well, in a bright orange box, actually). I asked a kindly young assistant to help me get it off the top shelf, which I would like to say she did with a smile and a cheerful greeting, but that would be stretching the imagination too far…

Construction Set?

Now, call me naïve, but I had assumed that the airer would be complete in its box and would simply need unfolding – hey presto, ready to use! – and I had a load of washing all ready to be aired. Oh no, not a bit of it – inside the box was a Meccano set and a page of instructions. It took me AN HOUR AND A HALF to put it together! AN HOUR AND A HALF, just so that I could hang some bloody washing up! Not only that, but it’s six foot high and it doesn’t fold down again, as I had thought – only the airing ‘wings’ fold away, so I now have a six foot de luxe airer with bright orange fixings standing in the middle of my dining room (that’s a loose term for the room where I have a table upon which I consume the occasional Pot Noodle but which is otherwise a reading desk, and sleeping area for the cat) because I have nowhere else to put it. But it does have wheels and it holds a lot of clothes…

You CAN Live Well for Less – If You’re Not An Idiot!

toy shopping cart overflowing

order on line

A very good afternoon from the Lifestyle Support Guru. Today, I wish to offer a cautionary little tale, as recounted to me by a close friend, in the hope that I may save you some money. Let me set the scene:
This close friend, having successfully ordered groceries on a previous occasion using ‘Click and Collect’, decided to use this facility again, partly because this stops her wandering around the store itself and ending up buying things she doesn’t need (I.e. clothes) and partly because it means she doesn’t have to get annoyed with others of the older generation who seem to think that supermarket shopping is some sort of social occasion, blocking the aisles while they discuss their ailments and what they watched on telly last night .
The friend goes to collect her order and the very nice ‘Click and Collect’ man (no, you can’t actually click and collect a man, but one can live in hope…) tells her that there is only one change to her order. The conversation goes as follows
CacMan: They’ve only managed to supply 11 packets of frozen Golden Vegetable Rice, not the 12 you ordered.
Friend: TWELVE??? (in a high-pitched squeal, an octave higher than normal)
C: Didn’t you want 12?
F: (Still in a voice that only dogs would be able to hear) No, I only wanted 2. I haven’t got the freezer space for 12.
C: That’s OK. I can change the order.
F: Oh, thank you so much.
C: Don’t worry – people do that all the time. I had one customer who wanted 3 kilos of bananas but ordered 30 kilos by mistake. Took me half an hour to load them into her car.

CacMan loads the rest of the order into the car and the friend decides to say nothing when this includes a bag containing 12 packets of the most expensive cat food (because, like the LSG, she

rat sandwich

tempt the cat

has pets of the feline variety), which she only uses as a special treat or to tempt a jaded palate and normally buys just in ones or twos. Luckily, she knows they won’t go to waste because Malcolm-the-strangely-named-cat-from-Australia (yes, by an AMAZING coincidence, the close friend also has a cat with such a name – who’d have thought it?) is a little under the weather at the moment, so she needs to try and feed him up.

And the lesson to be learned? When ordering online, don’t assume that putting a 2 in the ‘Quantity’ box will automatically replace the default 1 – it simply adds it next to the 1 to make 12!

I think Sainsbury’s (other supermarkets are available) needs to change its slogan:
‘You CAN live well for less…if you’re not an idiot’.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, dear followers, and eat well. I’m thinking of a nice rice salad accompanied by ‘steamed tuna in a tasty gravy for your favourite feline companion’.